Being laid off work for 13 months did a profound change for me. I lost fricking weight, lots and lots of pounds! Am I done yet? Nah, still a painting my canvas. Do we as people ever stop evolving? Not really. I was a bagel and cream cheese lover. I would eat one, then snuck in number two and three. Yep, never got my fix, because I was a creature of habit. So here came Jerry Springer at 8 AM and bagels 1, 2, and 3. Or I wouldn’t eat all day and at night I would stuff this mouth with Dorritos or a large pasta of a meal. Funny how things change when you mentally say to yourself, “Yum, food tastes better without all that bread.”
I began my journey, that would reach hundreds, that would evolve to the words of “Thank you for inspiring me.” Me? Inspire?
Let’s back track to February 14, 2016. I baked a chocolate heart shaped cake for my valentines, and stayed in to celebrate with my family. The McHubbins and I were downing high carb drinks and the kiddos were unwrapping chocolate treats. I woke up on the 15th and just looked at the mirror in our tiny bathroom. I barely fit in the bathroom. But I stood there, wearing all black (subconsciously mourning the figure before me). I didn’t recognize myself. I stared hard at the black spots and blemishes on my dried out unhappy face. I stared at the belly that was part bigger due to recently having my second baby, and the ass for a couch. I had a small sofa I toted around and never knew it. I always thought “I’m a big boned girl”. How was I big boned when I could never feel my bones. Stressed from being laid off work and not being able to help support my family, suffering from hypertensive blood pressure packed with swollen feet, double vision, dizziness, severe migraines, I spent my years evolving into 276.2 pounds of sheer anger. I walked around frightened and screaming so loudly at nothing. The poor McHubbins got it handed to him for just being nothing but himself. Each time I screamed about nothing, I made into something. The biggest something. Because each time, I made certain I was louder and angrier than ever. I would shout and cry so bad, my heart would jump out of my chest and hyperventilate.
But I always walked around seemingly happy. The friendliest, most giving person you would ever meet. Hiding within was a frightened girl at age 36 just waiting for her fate. With no energy to begin the day, lazy was an understatement. The McHubbins would come home to find a messy house, an unprepared meal, and I blamed it all on being a busy mom of a brand new baby. Not realizing again that my weight was an ongoing issue, I would lay on my left side to attempt lowering my blood pressure, temporarily. I began the blood pressure medication prescribed to me, but to no avail. I would be hospitalized because I couldn’t see straight. I was on the path to my own death.
Well, I woke up February 15th only to see an unrecognizable image. I chose life. It was easy to say, but where to start. Well for starters, I removed all pressure off myself and said “if I lose one pound, that’s better than not. So I snapped a selfie, the selfie that would change my life. I began to study myself. An obese girl from the start. A girl who ate once a day, and when she ate, she fed herself what she knew. Afterall, working on me meant I would have to be selfish right? Giving of myself to those I love has always been my method of operation. Never for myself.
I quietly began the journey, preparing meals that would feed my soul. They began tasting yummier, and I was able to sleep better. I would lay beside my husband and he would laugh at the sounds my belly made. It wasn’t growls, but sounds of digesting. Not stalked with fillers like rice and bread, my belly felt content and then so was I. I began to eat throughout the day. Three months later, I lost 34 pounds. At that point, I began walking. Still embarrassed to be seen walking in a neighborhood with 2 occupied homes, because I was afraid my flab would flab and my boobage would jiggle, I did it any way. A month later, my mom bought me a size 14 outfit to wear at a bridal shower. And in June 2016, I went public with my lifestyle I recently adopted as my way of life.
When going public about my weight loss, I received tremendous feedback. The skinny friends reached out praising me, the fit moms, the athletic friends from high school, the long time friends, the guys that would inbox me to provide them with assistance, the friends who had 10 pounds to lose and the friends that needed to lose hundreds. I was a real person that they all knew. I didn’t receive just praises, I received questions and criticism.
While delivering my grandma’s eulogy in March, I was being whispered about “She’s so fat, how disgusting.” My mom would call me and say, “People from church wanted to know if you did gastric”. I got, “What pills are you taking?” “My wife told me you had surgery.” “Wow, you were fat.” “Now, you look too thin.” “Stop altering your photos.” I even lost friends. But I smiled through the hate, and patted myself on the back and said, “Keep your eyes on the prize, yourself.” My goal was not set by pounds, but by reason. I knew my why. I wanted to lose weight for my family, to interact, and live for them.
To live or not to live, that was my question. I must admit, I had no idea where to start, I had no idea my skin would glow, my body would gain shape and form, that pounds would shed, that I would go down a baby slide, that I would jump up and down when my offensive starter older son would make a strong tackle, that I would have tons of endless energy, that I would sit on my husband’s lap and not break his legs, that I would shop for clothes in the trendiest spots, that I would run, that my mom would tear each time she saw me, that my brother would tell me “I’m proud of you, because you’ve never done anything for yourself”, that my sister would say “good job”, that my husband would say “I have a hot wife”, that my oldest would say “you’re skinny mom”, that the baby would smile more because I was running around with him.
My world is better for my weight loss. I’m a canvas, a perfect portrait of whom I’m meant to be. A canvas that is imperfect, painted with love and ever changing for the better. A canvas in motion. A canvas of constant reminders that I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me. A canvas in progress that never completes. A canvas of colors that add a spectrum of what life should be. A canvas of smiles. A canvas of hope. A real canvas that says all things are possible.
I started this for my family, but I had no idea I would benefit in such ways. With normal blood pressure, a permanent smile, a calm person, a motivated girl, and size 6 jeans, I say, “Feed your soul, reach your goal”.
Weight Loss Journey 